Next month it’s 5 years since my PND journey began. It’s been suggested to me many times that I write down my thoughts and feelings, keep a diary or a blog, so here I am. (Inspired by the wonderful #pndfamily on Twitter)
I’m Anna, I’m 34, married to my wonderful husband Ashley for six and a half years and very proud mummy to Kate, 5 next month and Tom, 1 next month.
I have suffered from PND with both my children, both times I have required inpatient care. I’m writing my story mainly for me, I’m hoping that writing down my story helps me cope with the guilt, frustration and loss I’m currently experiencing. That by putting it into black & and white (or blue as it appears to me right now) I’ll be able to see the colours in between.
I’d love for somebody else to read this, to be able to share my experience. I hope I can promote the importance of adequate post natal mental health care, especially in regards to the care I received from the mother & and baby units. Most importantly, I’d like for my experience to provide empathy to other families experiencing PND and to let you know, no matter how hard it gets it will get better.
So, I’ve briefly introduced myself, I’ll fill in a few more gaps along the way but today I’d like to introduce you to the 3 most important people in my life.
My beautiful babies, Kate & Tom
Kate was born on 17th January 2010. She’s very kind hearted and sensitive, she can also be incredibly stubborn. She loves reading, art and shoes, much like me, she also loves watching the rugby, much like her daddy.
Kate can be a real daddy’s girl. It’s her strong relationship with her daddy that helped whilst she was separated from me, and her new brother for a few months this year.
It’s during this time I realised how strong and brave she is, the defining moment for me was when she visited me for the 2nd time in the Winchester MBU. It was time for us to say goodbye and I knew, due to the distance, it would be a couple of days before I got to see her again. I could not hold it together and as the tears streamed down my face my beautiful girl whispered “don’t you cry mummy” and gave me the tightest cuddle.
I wish so much I didn’t have to put her through that, that I could have held it together for five more minutes, but my goodness I’m so proud of her.
Tom was born on 15th January 2014. He might not yet be one but Tom has heaps of personality. He loves watching his big sister and finds her very funny. He enjoys the sound of his voice and is currently experimenting with different volume levels. (Loud, louder and loudest!)
Tom is finding his feet at the moment and literally heading at things head first. He’s certainly not as cautious as his sister was, although I can tell, like his sister, he is going to give us lots of joy, smiles, laughter and adventure.
Ashley, my wonderful husband.
Ashley and I met at work. We’ve been together 10.5 years and married for 6.5 years. Ashley, is 29. I’m not sure how I would have got through the last 5 years without him. He’s been a constant tower of strength and he has never wavered in his belief in me as a mother. I don’t think I could ever repay him for what he has done for me but there won’t be a day I don’t try to.
I love watching him with our children, they have so much fun with him. I’m sure, like me, they feel incredibly safe and loved.
Well, that was a brief(ish) intro to my VIP’s. I think I’ve waffled on enough for a first post!